psych patient.
For one of my clinicals, I have to go to a Psychiatric hospital. I’m at the VA, which is a hospital for Vets. Oddly enough, while I was there today I had some good advice from one of the patients there. We were talking about relationships, and why they go bad. This man has trouble holding onto people and relationships, because every time he gets close to someone he pushes them away, whether it be out of fear of getting too close or fear of rejection, the answer is still unknown to me. Anyways, we were talking, and he told me about his latest marriage and how it wasn’t the best situation he could have put himself into, but he just loved her so much, that he didn’t care. Now, they are separated and he told me that he was feeling down about it. I had explained how I can relate because I too had just gotten out of a serious relationship, and I know how hard it can be. I told him, “It just shows you, you can’t depend on other people for your happiness.” He said, “Well, I think you are right. It’s not about depending on people for your happiness, it is about finding it within yourself, and having the courage to share it with someone else, and receive theirs in return.”
It really made me think. I for so long thought I had depended on being with my Ex to be happy, when this man was right, all I wanted to do was share mine with my Ex. However, I wasn’t feeling happy in the relationship, I was sad about being too far apart and never seeing each other, mad when he didn’t want to talk when I wanted to and over other insignificant things that happened through my day, and I let those feelings get in the way of sharing my happiness. Instead of taking that time to find happiness within myself, I took that time to be negative and in return I pushed him away. It just made me realize that you truly can’t be happy with someone unless you are happy with yourself. Finding what makes me happy is what is going to make me get through this break up.
